The Cat in the Hat: Slightly Revised for the Times

Avery Shenfeld is a senior economist at CIBC Capital Markets and most mornings sends out a note in good, old plain economic-ese to explain away the latest bit of data that has come across his desktop. Not so today. Today, Avery throws off those prose shackles and drops the following delightful bon-bon in our morning e-mail:

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By Avery Shenfeld

The sun did not shine

All our stocks had gone down

So Sally and I

Could just sit there and frown

We’d dumped corporate bonds

And our equities too

But with bills yielding zero

Didn’t know what to do

“Have no fear, have no fear,” said the Cat in the Hat

“Go invest, go and lend, do not sit there and carp

Sure there’s rain in the forecast, a slump and all that

But you can play here quite dry being under my TARP

But Sally and I we remained very wary

After Lehman’s demise made even banks all too scary

And it was all too odd that the man sent to save them

Had a name that said he just preferred to Cash-Carry

Then our fish said “Look, Look”

And our fish shook with fear

“You’d better start saving, a recession is near

Oh the things it will bump

Oh the things it will hit

I do not like it

Not one little bit”

Then the cat ran out

And then fast as a fox

The Cat in the Hat

Came back in with a box

Said the Cat


“In this box are two things

I will show to you now

You will like these two things”

Said the Cat with a bow

“This first thing, Thing One

Is a printing machine

It prints money to play with

It’s Ben’s little dream

If you’ve lost too much money, then borrow and spend

The Ben’s Fed’ral Reserve is quite ready to lend

He will charge you no interest, trade good bonds for bad

Help pay off your mortgage, so you don’t look so sad.

I call this Thing Two the John Maynard Keynes

It takes trillions of dollars and spends when it rains

On sewers and bridges and other fine toys

And even a bonus for car sector boys”

Then the Keynes ran upstairs

Where he met our mouse Stephen

Who initially said he would try to get even

“I’ll match his spending with cuts” he told all in the House

But soon that thing Keynes had control of our mouse

Then those things ran about

With big bumps, jumps and kicks

As our house filled with money

And with mortar and bricks

And those things from the box

They did bump up our stocks

Then the Cat picked up

All the things that were down

He picked up our funds rate

He picked up our rebate

He picked up the prices for gas in the town.

And he put them away

Then he said “that is that”

And then he was gone

With a tip of his hat

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