Great, funny bit on one my favourite radio shows — a program you can get in Canada via podcast — called Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me, produced in Chicago by National Public Radio in the U.S. (CBC radio's Chris Hall turned me on to this program and I'm eternally grateful.)
Wait, Wait, as us fans call it, is a weekly comedy news quiz show. Contestants and a trio of panelists – usually humourists, authors, comedians or bloggers — answer questions about the week's events from host Peter Sagal. On the Sept. 14 edition of the show, an event from Canada's election came up.
The panelists for this particular week were author Roy Blount Jr., comedian Paul Provenza, and syndicated columnist Amy Dickinson. If you can listen to the segment here. Scroll down to the “Opening Panel Round” link. If you can't do that, here's my transcript:
Sagal: Roy, the American presidential campaign is getting nasty but not, we are proud to say, as nasty as things are getting up in Canada. Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper was forced to apologize for a campaign ad that showed what happening to his rival?
Blount: Um, did it involve a moose? Because it does down here.
Sagal: It did not involve a moose, though it did involve an animal.
Blount: An animal? He's trampled by a herd of reindeer.
Sagal: No.
Blount: Could I have a hint? I don't keeup with Canadian politics.
Sagal: Apparently his rival was standing under a tree.
Blount: Oh — a bird! Somebody pooped on …
Sagal: You're exactly right, the ad shows .
Provenza: Not just a bird!
Sagal: Not just a bird, a puffin!
Blount: A puffin!
Provenza: A puffin pooping!
Sagal: A puffin pooping on the Liberal candidate for prime minister! Puffins, of course, are these Arctic birds, very beautiful, very cute. In an ad that was put on the Canadian Conservative Party's Web site, one of these birds flies over Stephane Dion — that's Stephane Dion, by the way, not Celine, so don't get excited ..
Provenza: The puffins are trained to go after any Dion just in case it's Celine.
Sagal: This ad caused quite the ruckus. In fact, some observers say that the ad is the most interesting thing ever to happen in Canada. And here's the difference between the U.S. and Canada: People said, oh, you've got a puffin pooping on your rival. And they took it down — and apologized!
Dickinson: No! Come on!
Sagal: That would never happen in America!
Provenza: In America, we'd put lipstick on that puffin!
Sagal: In America, we would load that puffin up with ex-lax and burritos and launch a second wave! If he can't take being pooped on by a puffin, how can he take being pooped on by Putin! That's where we would go.
Blount: When you are pooped on by a puffin in Canada, you get health care.
LOL That's hilarious!
If the Americans noticed us … does it mean we really exist?
“The puffins are trained to go after any Dion just in case it's Celine.”
What DO people have against Céline?
Best line IMO: “When you are pooped on by a puffin in Canada, you get health care.”